The Thing About Perspective...

Perspective is a funny thing.  When we look back and really do have 20/20 vision.  We see the situation or that time in our lives with more clarity than maybe we want to.  We see that we painted someone in an unfair light because of all the circumstances surrounding them.  This has been true for my second born.

All of her life I have painted her as a difficult child (trust me sometimes she is).  A difficult baby.  A baby that didn't sleep, gave up naps too soon, crawled out of her crib too early, walked too young, got teeth before I thought she should have, and put EVERYTHING in her mouth.  But do you see how I made all of that negative?  I made every milestone a problem instead of a celebration.  I compared her, unfairly, to her brother.  The kid that slept through the night early, never had a problem staying in bed, could do puzzles and build with blocks for hours, was always happy.

Now as a mother of five, I have been around the block a few times.  I realize that my second born was more normal than my first born.  That he was the exception and she was the rule.  I see that I have cherished, with the two youngest, the same things that I complained about with her.  She is strong but I have never seen it as a positive attribute.  This is to my shame.  I have been blind in so many ways.  I have sold her short and written a story for her that is false in many ways.

You see, when she was born, I was still in the very trenches of grieving the sudden loss of my father.  She was the first grandchild born since we lost him.  I was lost myself, unsure of what to do.  How to do any of this without my dad.  Not just parenting, but life.  I was broken, not my child.  I was raw and everything hurt.

I have done my child a disservice.  She slept like a newborn.  She ate like a newborn.  She cried like a newborn.  She developed as a child should and in someways faster.  She walked at 10 months, got a tooth at 4 months, she crawled out of her crib before any child should be allowed to.  But putting the pieces together almost 8 years later, it is easy to see that God made her for a purpose.  She can climb anything (It terrifies me but she is so good at it), she goes full speed into anything she does.  She will be your best friend and loves completely.  She is very passionate and puts her whole self into what she does (somethings that means a meltdown but who among us doesn't lose it from time to time??? Life is overwhelming sometimes).  She is generous to all she meets and doesn't know a stranger.

I have expected more from her than I have ever expected from myself.  I expect her to go about her day and hold it together, to never be overwhelmed by life, have her feelings hurt, or be frustrated.  I realize I haven't given her space to be a person in need of Jesus.

As I sit here and pour out, what I consider to be, my biggest parenting failure to date, I hope you see this as an encouragement.  If this is something you would consider yourself guilty of, it isn't too big for God and it isn't too late.  We can begin to see them as the gift they are, love them through the hard times, point them to Jesus in their sin, and speak life into them.